State of the Union, Isle of Tam, April 2011

Do you know, so many people click on my blog posts to find out how to use the female condom (they search for women’s condom), I feel like I need to use part of this blog post as a public service announcement educating the masses on how to use one properly. I mentioned in a PoWM post that I nearly went to WalMart in a t-shirt that advertised the female condom, but caught myself just in time! Thank the Keebler Elves I wasn’t made famous and immortalized as “that female condom lady on PoWM!” That I’ve never used one is just an insignificant little detail. I got the t-shirt from a women’s health conference.

But I take all of my responsibilities very seriously, and in the interests of educating women and men about protection from sexually transmitted diseases and infections (STDs and STIs) and unwanted pregnancies, and because I’m a strong advocate of Planned Parenthood, I’m sharing this video from their site on how to use a female condom. As a side note, they’re freakin’ expensive! $2-4 bucks a shot, no pun intended! You can get them at Planned Parenthood. I read that you can sometimes get them in a bag of freebies, so try that route.

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Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. I’m writing to you courtesy of P&J. My friends P&J have lent me their cute little laptop notebook thingee so I can blog and stay connected with the world. Of course, now I only have to find a place with free wi-fi and electricity! Dunkin’ Donuts on Central, the Flying Star, and the UNM Student Union Building are a few. Dunkin’ Donuts is NOT a good option because I have to buy something to hang out there and all they have is doughnuts! And my budget makes the Flying Star unfeasible except for the occasional cup of tea. But that’s okay, where this is a will, there is a way. Oh, right…the public library! D’oh.

A quick update…working on the charitable organizations that help with utilities. I’m still camping out in my home–light-less and gas-less. During the day I switch the batteries from the camping lantern to the radio so I can listen to NPR. It’s all pretty much impossible. All I can do is persevere, and I’ve been through way too much to give up now. I’m still at my little job at the gym. My last day of probation is May 2nd. L* had her baby, little Aidan was born on April 19th weighing in at 7lbs and 4oz. So my schedule has changed a bit. I’m still going in two mornings a week to stretch and jump on the trampoline and do some strength training. My right knee doth protest. Quite a bit in fact. But it will not stop me either. I just wait until the pain subsides and resume my activities.

I’m waiting, waiting on a few things/people and I’m not fond of waiting. No one is. I don’t know what’s going on with my attorney. His secretary/legal assistant is out. She was in an accident. I hope for her speedy recovery both for her sake and the office’s. Things have slowed to a crawl there and it will take them weeks to recover. And I’m waiting on the federal government, and we all know how responsive the federal government is. Sigh. Meanwhile, I’m doing all I can to help myself.

Dependent upon the moment, my spirits raise and plummet. But again, the lithium has boosted the antidepressants–Cymbalta and Trazodone–and I’m grateful for all the strength it gives me.

Since being indoors is no fun, I’ve spent a lot of time out-of-doors cleaning up the yard and planting. It’s spring and I’m missing not having hens. This is the first year in six I haven’t had hens. Pennie makes it impossible to have them unless the fence were electrified, and aside from there being no juice currently (pun intended), I can’t afford to electrify the fence. So the end has come to Mavis and Friends Excellent Egg Company and Mavis’s Cackle Castle (the coop). Or at least a temporary lull. Perhaps birds will nest in the coop in the egg boxes. That would be sweet. Mavis was our hen matriarch and mascot. She survived the hen massacre (we took in a friend’s dog for a while and he decimated our first hen population). Mavis survived by hiding in the dryer. Smart girl.

The planet has rotated enough times on its axis that we have come to Easter again. I suppose that is part of what is making me so nostalgic for the girls. I love hens. Especially the Buff Orpingtons. They’re so gentle and they coo instead of squawk. I don’t really celebrate Easter except in a culinary way. And give my kids Easter baskets. Ham, potatoes au gratin, asparagus, strawberry pie, sometimes lamb. But I ran across these evil Easter bunnies on and I couldn’t resist. Take your kids for pictures with these and you guarantee them nightmares for life.

I wish I had better news. I wish I didn’t have to report that I’m living like an animal in a cave. But that’s where I am at the moment. I feel a lot of anger and frustration and pain. But that doesn’t keep me from appreciating what is good in my life, when I’m not crying over my present circumstances.

I wrote the above a couple of days ago…on to the present. I trundled around town today and talked to the juice people on the phone. They will turn my lights on if I give them $50.oo and they will give me a deferred payment plan for the rest and waive the reconnect fee. Not a lot of money but $50.00 more than I have. The phone bill is due tomorrow–$40.00–so that will go also. Today was, understandably, mostly a crying day. There are days when, once I get started, I just don’t stop.

Tonight hasn’t ended, but something happened and I don’t know what to do with it, where to put it. I was at the park close to my house, reading a book and catching the last of the sun before it set. Not too far in the distance, there was a red mini SUV and a young man and woman, and another person…smaller so I figured it was a woman. I don’t know what was happening with them, but I had a bad feeling about it. I didn’t have my glasses on…and the bad feeling hadn’t really coalesced. I grew up very sheltered, and in some ways, I remain very sheltered from street life. I went back to my book and the next time I looked up, the smaller person was walking down the street and seemed to be having difficulty walking. I got in my car and drove to what turned out to be a woman and asked her if she needed help. I asked her three times and she didn’t answer. So I parked and got out of the car and went to her. She was obviously inebriated and she said she had been beaten so I dialed 911. I waited with her until the police arrived. They said they would call an ambulance for her. We talked a little, she and I. She told me she’s an alcoholic. She is one of the vulnerable people. And it broke my heart. She’s one of society’s throwaways. And my position at the moment isn’t so different from hers. I know, though, that my troubles are temporary. I hope hers are too.

I may be in trouble but I have a family that loves me, two beautiful children who love me and I love more than life, my house, my dogs, my friends, my stuff. I have my  wonderful little job and a great boss and coworkers. I have my fantastic ideas and my energy and writing. And it’s a good thing I love candlelight. Prayers are always welcome as well as well wishes. I send them out to y’all all of the time. And I feel yours as they come to me.

Wishing you hope and happiness, love and friendship.


1.) My children, always ❤

2.) My friends and family who love me, and who allow me to love them ❤

3.) Creative energy.

4.) Moxie.

5.) Lady and Pennie, best dogs on the planet.

“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.” ~ Ivan Panin


About ZephyrLiving

Join me on my journey, if you like. A return to mental health. When I started with my first blog in 2011, I was three years in. Now it's 2015, and I am so much better. I though I had nothing less to lose. I was so very wrong. So arrogant--or deluded! OCD, Compulsive Hoarding Syndrome, Chronic Depression, PTSD and Histrionic Personality Disorder. A big list, a big task. I've come a long way and still have far to go. But I've built my foundation and I'm working at it every single day! Join me for some laughs, some inspiration, some hope, and support. Peace.
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