Part of what I intended when I started writing this blog for myself was to hold myself accountable for things I needed to do. That quickly got old (ha ha!) and the actual writing of my blog took on a different aspect–it became more important or was sort of a replacement for doing what I needed to do. When I took a break from blogging when Trey* was here, it was difficult to come back to writing because I realized how much time I had been devoting to it. I really can’t afford (literally) to give it that much time. Even though I’m only working part-time, I have other responsibilities, and I must see to those as well. I promised myself that by the end of this year, I was going to stop losing.
(I went and bought mouse traps last night, and I’m sitting here cringing in fear that one of them is going to snap at any moment. I also bought poison, but I can’t bear the thought of causing a mouse a slow and painful death. Well, I’ve done it before, but let’s just say I’m not eager to do it again).
I’m wondering how to quantify that. With money, it’s easy. I have none, so it would be impossible to say I will not lose any, except by saying that I will not increase my debt. My home, well, I won’t have that much longer. I need to attempt to maximize proceeds from the sale and retain whatever I get from it. And I need to make sure I do what is required to get housing through the Supportive Housing Coalition. That means I have to get a case worker at UNM Mental Health (I pledge to go to UNM this coming week). Not easy. I suppose I could lose my possessions, so I need to make sure that doesn’t happen. Friends? I will do my best to be good to them and thereby hang on to them.
(Awww shit. The mouse trap just snapped. Seriously creeped out. Well, before the population increases to an infestation, I have to get the situation under control).
This weekend is going to be a joint cleaning/cooking weekend. Today– the kitchen, 3/4 bath, pantry, and laundry room. My friend Zelda* brought me a turkey. I don’t have room to make casseroles and freeze them, but perhaps I can cook, de-bone, and freeze it. I’ll have a mini-Thanksgiving dinner as I didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving last year. I doubt I’ll find fresh cranberries anywhere, but I suppose I can always use canned (gasp!). And tomorrow, the living room, dining room, full bath and my bedroom. And I’d better not think about it anymore because I will end up feeling overwhelmed and not do anything. I also have to prepare for court on Monday. Write up a list of actions I have taken in order to sell my house. One has to prepare one’s attorney. Especially when that attorney is working for you pro bono, not reluctantly, but somewhat not as resolutely as one would like. He’s a doll. He’s a fantastic person and I wish I could have him and his wife over for dinner. I can always invite them. All they can do is say, “no.” And I am not the easiest person to work with. Having Histrionic Personality Disorder means that I often make decisions as would a teenager. And we all know how that works out.
And that’s all I want to say about it all that except that I’m working and that’s more than I could say about the State of the Union–Isle of Tam, when this year began.