Catching Mice and Meltdowns

Okaaaay. As of this writing, Mighty Mouse has devoured the food in the humane trap, strong-armed his way out, and is now taunting me from the kitchen. He has apparently invited his entire mouse family to come for an extended visit, if not to live indefinitely. He told them what good food we have in this house. Should I be happy for a compliment from a mouse? How can I know how developed his palate is? I bet he never lived in Mario Batali’s or Rick Bayless’s homes. I guess a mouse, or a dozen, are completely unreliable when it comes to being haute cuisine critics. On to the inhumane traps. I must remember to pick some up tomorrow. That I’ve forgotten for the last week doesn’t mean I don’t have the strength to use them. I don’t have “sucker” written on my forehead (I can now hear Mighty Mouse snickering from the kitchen counter where he is munching on homemade rosemary foccacia crumbs).

It has been three-and-a-half days since Trey* returned home. We had a fantastic time. We really did. We went to the movies a couple of times, watched a movie at home, went to the Flying Star a couple of times, to Asian Cafe (formerly Chow’s Chinese Bistro–their delectable food is still the same despite the name change!). We went to Old Town and took photographs outside of the Albuquerque Museum with the statues (I’ve always wanted to take a picture of someone in a compromising position behind the life-sized goat statue and Trey accommodated me). We made and ate a lot of really great food. We went to the store when we were ravenous with some really frightening results. We had P. & J. over for dinner and had a truly lovely time. I introduced Trey to Mighty Mouse. They conversed about Mighty Mouse’s city cousins living in Trey’s NYC apartment. A good time was had by all.

So now, the aftershocks. It was extraordinarily hard to see him leave, and I went through what we could call “a period of adjustment.” After finishing a project (like the “visit project”), there’s always this disturbing void when you’ve accomplished everything and are waiting for the next project into which to sink your teeth. First you have to make all of these decisions–is there going to be another project? What kind of project is it going to be? What’s the time frame? Etcetera. I have OCD. I’m not very good with uncertainty. In fact, I have a really hard time with uncertainty. And bless my astrological omens, it looks like they are going to have a really good time with that. Here’s my Free Will Horoscope from Rob Brezny,

“Your love story has elements of a farce mixed with a soap opera, fairy tale, and ghost story. For a normal human being, it might be too intense and convoluted to deal with; it requires so much willing suspension of disbelief and involves so much letting go of certainty that no one in their right mind would agree to its demands. Luckily, you’re not a normal human being these days, and you’re not particularly in your right mind. That’s why I say unto you: Ride this snaky tale for all it’s worth. Enjoy every plot twist and riddle as if you’ve been given an epic myth you can ponder and learn from for the next ten years. Happy Valentine Daze, Cancerian!”

Farce? Merde! Soap opera? Double merde! Ghost story? The hell you say! Our project for now is Trey and I will continue to get to know each other better from across the miles. We both have quite a bit going on that needs resolution. So we will work on our various personal projects, Trey in New York, and me in Albuquerque. I asked him today if we were on the same page (because I need a lot of reassurance, I’m like that), and he said “Hell, we’ve only got one page.” Can you see my smile light up the night?

While I was away, I got a job! I had applied and interviewed at a gym for gymnastics instruction and started training last week. The owners seem kind and genuine, so I’m very excited about it. It’s part-time and not much money, but compared to nothing coming in, it’s grand. I work at the front desk taking payments and phone calls and working on projects. Perhaps I can make something of it more than what it is currently. If not, I’m happy to be there for what it is now.

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday who suggested increasing my lithium, so I’m going to try that. It’s hard for me to determine a difference on the current dose. I realize now (in hindsight) that I’ve been fairly severely depressed since about November. You would think I would know that, that I wouldn’t need someone else (my therapist) to tell me that. Mental illness is so terribly insidious. I guess the good news is that I haven’t been extraordinarily ill for quite some time, so at least my immunity is holding up, unlike previously. I did get MRSA sores in January but they resolved on their own so that is a blessing and relief. No antibiotics! I am so very tired of taking it in the shorts due to my mental illness.

As I prepare to go to bed, the mice are now yukking it up in the family room and working off all of the calories consumed during their late night snack. I hear their raucous laughter as they trade jokes, “What squeaks as it solves crimes? Miami Mice.” They tell another, “One lab mouse says to another, ‘I’ve trained that crazy human at last.’  His friend asks, ‘How have you done that?’  He responds, ‘I don’t know how, but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell, he gives me a piece of cheese.'” More wild laughter. I respond with a joke of my own, “What goes ‘eek, eek, bang?’ A mouse in a mine field.” Ah, blessed silence.

Gratitudes:

1.) My beloved children, as always.

2.) Trey, for being such a love.

3.) The furry children (canine, not rodentine, I do not claim the rodentine as mine), for their fabulous company.

4.) My new job!

5.) The phone and the internet, I don’t think I need to elaborate.

“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.” ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Restaurants mentioned here:

www.asiancafe-nm.com

www.flyingstarcafe

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About ZephyrLiving

Join me on my journey, if you like. A return to mental health. When I started with my first blog in 2011, I was three years in. Now it's 2015, and I am so much better. I though I had nothing less to lose. I was so very wrong. So arrogant--or deluded! OCD, Compulsive Hoarding Syndrome, Chronic Depression, PTSD and Histrionic Personality Disorder. A big list, a big task. I've come a long way and still have far to go. But I've built my foundation and I'm working at it every single day! Join me for some laughs, some inspiration, some hope, and support. Peace.
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